I...I Didn't Know

This is one of my favorite comics. I showed it to a friend a while ago and it a fantastic converging of events, it was used on me today as I was venting to her and realized I'm an idiot. I just wish there was an emoticon for that last image. It's so perfect. Since there isn't one, I've decided that this :-| equals idiot.

Do you think that works?

Love Happens

I can think of a bunch of titles that would describe this movie better:

Life Happens

Therapy Happens

Rain Happens

Seattle Happens

I should have gone to kids-in-mind.com before I saw this boring, sappy show. I was hoping for a cookie-cutter romantic comedy. What I got was a boring self-help book that was no help at all.

Until it erupts in tears, “Love Happens” dawdles along uncertainly as though debating exactly how to season its morose story with enough attempted witticisms to keep the audience from dozing off. Directed by Brandon Camp, from a screenplay he wrote with Mike Thompson, the movie stars Aaron Eckhart and Jennifer Aniston as a widowed self-help guru and the conveniently single Seattle woman who prods him into releasing his pent-up anguish. -New York Times

I want my $10 back.

This is how my morning went

This morning I decided that I had time to make myself breakfast. I went downstairs to make my fruit shake and found this:

My first thought, did one of my roommates turn into a chocolate craving mutant? A little monster ate my M&M's, my baker's chocolate, my vanilla pudding, and because he had only had sweets, he moseyed his way over to the kitchen table and had some pretzels.

One bar of chocolate wasn't enough, so he kindly left the other bar by the trash can:

I checked, he ate every single M&M:

Based on my neighbor's post: I'm pretty sure it was one of these:

The scary part is that when I came down this morning, all the doors were locked. I checked with my roommates and one said she was having a hard time sleeping, so she laid downstairs and opened up the doors in the middle of the night, but before she went back upstairs she closed them. I checked around the house to see if I could see this little guy, and didn't find anything. So I hope he left...

Things that have helped me and my family

One of my final classes I took before I graduated was intro to Child Life Specialist. We spent 1/4 of the class discussing grief. Our teacher brought up the same ideas presented in the grief workbook. Remember, nothing you say will make the person feel better. The person who is grieving is forgiving of what you do say (for the most part) if it doesn't make sense. Mostly, people just want acknowledgement.

Do's:

Do call and say, "I'm coming to watch your children on Saturday between 6pm and 9pm. Will that work?" - even though people offer to babysit, you feel guilty asking someone to take their weekend night and watch your children so you can have a date with your husband, even though that's what you need the very most.
Do call and say, "I'm available today. Can I come clean your kitchen/help with laundry/weed your garden?"
Do continue calling, even if you don't get an answer, eventually the person grieving will call you back.
Do stop by, but take the person's lead. Ask if they feel like visiting and pay attention to their energy level. Give the person an out. If you've been there for 15 minutes or more, say, "I don't want to intrude, but if you'd like me to stay, I'm happy to visit with you."...or something along those lines.

Don'ts:

Don't tell stories of your friend of a friend who went through the same thing. As soon as you start telling YOUR story, you are no longer helping the person who needs it. You've made the situation about YOU.
Don't say, I know how you feel. No one knows how the person is feeling, except that person. Even though I have 3 sisters who also lost their dad, I don't know how they are feeling because we are all processing it differently. Everyone has a different life experience and with that comes a difference in ability to deal with grief.
Don't say:
Sorry, I've been so busy, I meant to call.
I'm only doing this because your dad died.
I never took you as a person who would use the "My dad died excuse" to get out of hanging out with people.
Don't try to find a silver lining. There isn't one and any attempts to find one just anger the person who is grieving.
Do not try to satisfy your curiosity. If someone died from a heart attack, a car accident, or a gunshot wound, bottom line, they are still dead. If your friend/loved one isn't offering up the details to you, there is a reason and trying to pry the details from them is an invasion of their privacy. This is a hard one, because when you hear shocking news, you want to ask, "Who? What? When? Where? Why?" Pause before you start asking these questions and think, "Is what I want to know helpful to the person grieving?"

I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye

I've been hesitant to post anything personal about my struggle with my dad's death because I didn't want my thoughts to come out in journal format. With that, here goes:

My therapist recommended a couple of books: Jesus Wept by Joyce and Dennis Ashton, But if Not Vol. 2 by Joyce and Dennis Ashton, and that I get a grief workbook. I went on Amazon and purchased all three. The grief workbook I chose was, I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye by Brook Noel. The aforementioned therapist recommended that I read this books and do the workbook only on Sundays. Why Sunday? Because I had mentioned how much I hate Sunday. Sunday is the worst day of the week for me. It's the day when my mind is quiet, when I go to church and feel the spirit, and when I try to sing the hymns and end up crying my eyes out. The idea is that since I'll already be crying, I might as well try working through some of the grief.

I've been asked by a few good friends what are the most helpful things someone can do when they see their friends/loved ones going through something terrible. The workbook has a section called:

"A Guide for Those Helping Others with Grief"

(photocopy and give to close friends and loved ones)

Don't try to find the magic words or formula to eliminate the pain. Nothing can erase or minimize the painful tragedy your friend or loved one is facing. Your primary role at this time is simply to "be there." Don't worry about what to say or do, just be a presence that the person can lean on when needed.

Don't try to minimize or make the person feel better. When we care about someone, we hate to see them in pain. Often we'll say things like, "I know how you feel," or "perhaps, it was for the best," in order to minimize their hurt. While this can work in some instances, it never works with grief.

Help with responsibilities. Even though a life has stopped, life doesn't.One of the best ways to help is to run errands, prepare food, take care of the kids, do laundry, and help with the simplest of maintenance.

Don't expect the person to reach out to you. Many people say, "call me if there is anything I can do." At this stage, the person who is grieving will be overwhelmed at the simple thought of picking up a phone. If you are close to this person, simply stop over, and being to help. People need this but don't think to ask. There are many people who will be with you during the good times-but few that are there in life's darkest hour.

Talk through decisions. While working through the grief process, many bereaved people report difficulty with decision making. Be a sounding board for your friend or loved one and help them think through decisions.

Don't be afraid to say the name of the deceased. Those who have lost someone usually speak of them often, and believe it or not, need to hear the deceased's name and stories. In fact, many grievers welcome this.

Remember that time does not heal all wounds. Your friend or loved one will change because of what has happened. Everyone grieves differently. Some will be "fine" and then experience their true grief a year later, others grieve immediately. There are no timetables, no rules - be patient.

Remind the bereaved to take care of themselves. Eating, resting, and self-care are all difficult tasks when besieged by the taxing emotions of grief. You can help by keeping the house stocked with healthy foods that are already prepared or easy to prepare. Help with the laundry. Take over some errands so the bereaved can rest. However, do not push the bereaved to do things they many not be ready for. Many grievers say, "I wish they would just follow my lead." While it may be upsetting to see the bereaved withdrawing from people and activities - it is normal. They will rejoin as soon as they are ready.

Avoid judging. Don't tell the person how to react or handle their emotions or situation. Simple let him/her know that you support their decisions and will help in any way possible.
Share a meal. Since meal times can be especially lonely, invite the bereaved over regularly to share a meal, or take a meal to their home. Consider inviting the bereaved out on important dates like the one-month anniversary of the death, the deceased's birthday, etc.

Make a list of everything that needs to be done with the bereaved. This could include everything from bill paying to plant watering. Prioritize these by importance. Help the bereaved complete as many tasks as possible. If there are many responsibilities, find one or more additional friends to support you.

Make a personal commitment to help the one grieving get through this. After a death, many friendships change or disintegrate. People don't know how to relate to the one who is grieving, or they get tired of being around someone who is sad. Vow to see your friend or loved one through this, to be their anchor in their darkest hour.

Under the Bridge

Yesterday, I was driving to work at the song Under the Bridge by RHCP came on.

Flashback to my 6th graduation dance: I had my hair curled and "looked like a porcelin doll." Thank you Mrs. Gonzales for that description. I didn't want to look like a porcelin doll, I wanted to look like a babe (looking "HOT" hadn't been invented yet.)

Then Under the Bridge came on and I remember thinking, "How in the world do teachers know that this song is cool?"

Do you ever have random thoughts like that? Ideas where you just think, that's so absurd, but I've been carrying that thought around forever.

I'll bet my teachers were no more than 25 at the time. Of course, they would have liked Red Hot Chili Peppers. It's not like they were 60, but in my 6th grade mind they may as well have been.

Enjoy:

Wanna see something sick?

Friday morning I woke up with a spider in my shirt. Sick but true. I killed it, but it bit me. Probably part of it's dying revenge.

Monday morning I woke up with a bite (the spider's girlfriend came after me I'm sure of it.)

I circled the outer edge of a bug bite last night before I went to be to see if it got bigger when I slept (in case I needed to go to the Dr). The black circle is about the size of a silver dollar. I called the Dr at 9am as soon as they opened up.

Diagnosis: Not poisonous, but I'm allergic to the venom.

Treatment: Antihistamine and hydrocortisone cream...If it doesn't look better in a couple days, or starts looking gangrenous, antibiotics. Fun.

While I was at the Dr, I was also on the phone with the pest control company. No more ants and no more spiders!!!